I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize