Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize