How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
