kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize