This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
