He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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