Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
