im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize