Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
