I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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