Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
