yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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