that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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