No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
