I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
