im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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