1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
