arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
