So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
