I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
