i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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