Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
