i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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