I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
