I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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