More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
