Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
