Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He felt like a one man threesome
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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