duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
