I need help removing her.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
