If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
