Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
