i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How naked do you want me to be?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
