i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
