Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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