my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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