You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
