Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
