Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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