There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
