Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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