You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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