ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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