I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
