come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
why is half of my head shaved?
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