Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sacagawea was the original milf.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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