my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
