whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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