Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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