In the future we'll all be gay
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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