Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
