I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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