the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
