No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
