i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize