Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
