Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize