i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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