Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
