i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize