Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
