what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize