If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
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