bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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