Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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