if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
