I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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