its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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