I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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