Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
