Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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